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Catchy title eh? 
I guess it would be hard for you to really feel what it’s like to be adopted, just like it’s probably not possible for me to feel what it’s like to not be adopted, but recently I had someone ask me this question and I was noodling it over, so although I probably can’t convey every nuance of it, I might be able to give you some insight.
My Own Background
First we can start with my background, I was born in 1970 here in San Diego California, for the next few months of my life I was kept with foster parents or in a communal home for children, until they found a home for me.
When my parents adopted me there were given the briefest oral history of my biological parents you can imagine, things like my grand father was an engineer, I was part American Indian, and I was of Irish, Scottish background as well.
Other than that, they got dick for any background information.
For the next 30 years of my life nothing much changed. They told me I was adopted before I even understood what it even meant. I thought all kids were like that at one point, and it took awhile to understand that not everything worked that way.
You might have wondered during this process, did I ever think about my biological parents as my REAL parents, and my folks as my adopted parents? NEVER not once, not ever. That kinda thing just doesn’t occur since my Mother and Father are the only parents I have ever known, they raised me, they held me when I cried etc. There can be, and never will be others that I think of like that.
However, both my parents were supportive of me looking for my biological parents if I ever wanted to, they told me that on several occasions. They both understand they are my parents and nothing will ever change that, but they wanted to be supportive.
I have considered looking for my biological parents, but mostly more out of curiosity than anything else. One thing about being adopted, you have never seen anyone with your own facial features, and let me tell you, that idea really trips me out that somewhere out there, there are people that kinda look like me.
I even got curious enough to talk to the court to release my adoption records, at least the stuff that wasn’t sealed.
They gave me a two page report, saying that my mother and father came from Kansas, that my father stepped on a toe popper in Vietnam and came home, got my biological mother pregnant and she came to San Diego where her sister lived to have me, she was 18.
None of this was a huge surprise to me, as it was common at the time and I knew that, but what did surprise me was that were was a microfiche copy of a letter sent from my biological mother to my social worker two months after I was born that they enclosed with the information.
Reading that letter was like taking a taking a baseball to the face. I had no idea it was coming, and in a thousand years didn’t think it would effect me, but when I read it, I quietly closed the door to my office (I was at work) and proceeded to get fairly emotional for about 30 minutes.
Although I don’t view this woman as my mother, this was the person that choose to bring me into this world, and before me I had a two page, hand written letter. It was a powerful thing, and something that I was not expecting to ever see.
Before this event I had considered hiring a private investigator to look for my biological parents, getting all of the findings and putting them in a folder. I would give the folder to a close friend and say “Read this, and tell me if I was to read it”.
One thing I learned from other adopted kids who went looking for their biological parents, is that you can’t “unsee” something. What if they were living in poverty, would I feel the responsibility to help etc?
I’v met people that did the whole phone call with “Does the date August 30th 1970 stand out to you” kinda thing. Sometimes it’s a joyous reunion, and other times it’s ended to finding out you a were dirty secret they hoped would stay secret.
In the end I decided to wait before I did anything and leave the decision to a future Kevin to decide.
You might be wondering “Well if they are not that important to you, why look?”, and the answer is I am damn curious to see someone that has my facial features, to at least understand my heritage and maybe even meet my biological parents as peers.
It’s complicated set of feelings there that is really hard to describe if you haven’t been through it., but curiosity is chief among them, but again, it’s hard to explain.
Imagine young Jor-El, happy with his parents, in Kansas no less, but still feeling that tug of curiosity about his home world. (If you don’t get the reference, sorry, it’s a geek thing)
So there you have it, I don’t think there are really any Con’s of being adopted other than not having a good understanding of your families medical history, and the positives are that you are the only kid on the street that gets to be Superman when your playing since everyone else’s parents are obviously not from Krypton.
Oh, and the day that I have a child, will be the first time I see my features in another human being, and that will be nothing short of magical.
PS. Biological parents names were Linda and Jerry (The Unlucky), the unlucky part I added i my head in reference to the toe popper.
